Faith in Doubt

Throughout my life of being raised in church and a Christian school I have heard a ton of things along the lines of "God is the author of truth and never gets things wrong and has the ultimate crazy great plan for you that we just need to trust and have faith in Him and we will get out of everything just fine in the end! Because God is good!"

Every time it feels like a weight lifted off of my shoulders! I no longer have no fears of the future or had any thoughts of not being capable or good enough to succeed at my dreams! I feel like I can take it easy and no matter what anyone says it won't phase me because God's got my back! And three weeks after hearing God's promises I have no worries or thoughts like "this doesn't make sense"!

False.

I have grown up in church. I constantly see examples of what He has done through history, in peoples lives today and even my life.

But even after all I have seen and heard God do...for some reason when I think God is asking me to do something big where risk is the only word that can describe it, something that doesn't make sense and doesn't fit into my "plan", like not doing any internships or going to college or anything that seems to be bringing me to my dream job but just finding a regular day job and doing my best to live in a way that shows the love of God to everyone in my life..

Which may or may not be a real current situation........
.....ok maybe that's exactly whats happening in my life..

But even though I know the "right answers" and have "seen God move in countless peoples lives"

I still doubt.

ABSURD RIGHT?!

I mean lets be honest we all have that have the same thoughts don't we. No matter what we have seen and experienced our current situation can feel bigger than our God.

I think so often we are afraid to admit that we are having a hard time believing the promises of God. Or at least I get a little freaked out!

- I get afraid that people will think "He wants me to follow a God he hardly believes?! HA!"
- I get afraid that people will think "He isn't capable of leading anyone."
- I get afraid that people will think that I don't really believe in God.
- I get afraid that because I admit I doubt means God wont come through. (My faith isn't a mustard seed or something like that)
- I get afraid I have a little doubt or people realize that I'm not perfect and I really am not good enough by myself to do this!

How dare I be a human being!

Let's just be honest..we all doubt sometimes. But here's the way I see it. I don't believe that you REALLY can have faith...without really doubt.

I really don't believe faith is "Always believing everything without any doubts or fears".

I believe that faith is saying "Despite how much this doesn't makes sense to me. Despite what everyone else is saying and doing. Despite how much this really really freaks me out. Despite how much I would rather do what I want to do....I am going to do WHATEVER it is you ask me to do God."

Faith isn't jumping off the cliff when you can see the ocean of pillows 6 feet bellow.
Faith is taking a risk and jumping off the cliff even when you really aren't totally sure how you are going to be saved.

Now I am no preacher. I've never been to seminary. I have no credentials.

But I serve a God who is just asking us to trust Him...especially when we have doubt. All of His  promises are true. Whether or not it makes sense in the moment.

- Corey Michael Moore

Starting The Journey

Life seems to keep going..even when you really don't know what's happening. You think after finishing High School than finishing a program that helps you understand/figure out what God has in store for you and what your purpose in life is....you would think you would know the answer right?

Well that's obviously asking way to much.

I have gone from having a big plan of doing an internship at a church, learning more about music, graduating, getting a job as a worship leader and living happily ever after.

Well lets just say it didn't take very long for my plan to be completely changed. I definitely had a moment of disappointment in God. Apparently my road map of life wasn't exactly what He had in mind!

Some thoughts like "God I had this figured out and you ruined it!" were running through my head. Also "Great now I'm going nowhere." was a common thought. OOOH my favorite was "All of your friends are doing something with your life...now you're just going to be that weird (sometimes creepy) guy who graduated and is still sticking around the school and church and always talks to high schoolers."

....Yea I've seen a few of those.

Than the thought occured to me..
Hmmm....so...I'm questioning the God of the universe, who has a perfect plan for me?....telling HIM what to do?...

I am freaking 19.....19! And I think I have the right to tell God where He is messing up and that now I have no future? Even if I took one year of not knowing what I am supposed to do....I'M 19! Life goes on!

It took me sitting down and really actually thinking on these words a friend said to me to really be ok with where I am at in my life.

"Just because this isn't 'your perfect path' doesn't mean it isn't God's perfect path."

Well at least it was something like that. I don't remember specifically what he said....but hey that's pretty dang close to what he said.

The reason I am starting this blog isn't because I think I am the wisest person I know. It isn't because I think everyone needs to be updated on me life or needs my incredible words from the Lord.

It is simply because I want to be able to give a glimpse of what trying to have a relationship with God really looks like. The day to day crap. The ups. The downs. Just what it really looks like in my life.

I don't want to make it seem like my life is perfect in every way because I follow God. And I sure don't want to make it seem like my life is hell because I follow God. Neither are true. I just want to show what happens when you really are trying this thing out and what comes out of it. Even when I mess up...because I am sure that will happen!

-Corey Michael Moore